What Does Success Mean for You When it Comes to Your Appearance?
What is your definition of success for you and your appearance? This is a funny question to even be asking, but I think it’s an important one, because it’s something almost all of us are grappling with, but often unconsciously.
This line of thinking occurred to me while reading The Gap and Gain, by Dan Sullivan and Dr. Benjamin Hardy. In the book, the authors apply this concept of how you define success to how entrepreneurs perceive and experience their business and personal lives. It wasn’t much of a stretch for me to immediately connect the dots to my line of work and how I and my clients think about our relationship to appearance and beauty, it’s simply another of the many facets of our complex lives.
Working, as I do, in the business of beauty I’m constantly in conversation around appearances. You simply cannot separate out the mechanics of how makeup (and nails, and hair and skin) work, and what it is we’re aiming for, without the conversation quickly turning to “how you look”. How I look, how you look, how they look, how you used to look, how you’d like to look.
I am in a constant … let’s say sensitivity… to not having an unhealthy level of focus on appearance. Much like those, for example, who work in the health/fitness industry must work to not let “being healthy” become an unhealthy obsession. There’s an extra layer of challenge in the mix because I am fundamentally very interested in how things look and how those appearances in turn impact how we feel and the resulting actions we take, or don’t. This extends far beyond just people’s appearances, this is about the design of a space, the architecture of a building, the ambiance of being out in nature.
There is no point denying that appearances matter, but the important truth here is that it only matters to YOU. What YOU think, how YOU feel, what meaning YOU bring to something. All of how you relate to and the meaning you bring to appearances is 100% internal.
Yes we humans are a group, herd, mammal. And as such we’re wired to pay close attention to what’s happening with others around us and how they are reacting to and treating us. And there’s no denying the impact appearance has on how we are treated. But, here’s the subtle and critically important understanding that benefits you greatly when internalised… how others view you is entirely driven by how you view yourself. And going one layer deeper, choosing to not put any energy into thinking or worrying about what other people think, which is admittedly an ongoing life goal.
And a big part of how you view yourself is driven by what standards / goals / ideals you have consciously or even more likely, unconsciously, absorbed for yourself.
When it comes to your appearance, what are you actually aiming for? What is it that’s important to you? It’s really really really easy to get sucked into using other’s benchmarks for success, external reference points are given priority over tuning into your own internal heart and understanding what is actually important for you. How influenced are you by what you’re seeing being promoted online? By what you see that seemingly perfect real estate agent looking like on their bus bench ads all over the neighbourhood? A perfectly smooth wrinkle free forehead? Lips two times the size of the lips you were actually born with? Hair that is just so. Thick, tumbling, smooth yet voluminous. A wardrobe that’s always perfectly turned out?
It’s very human of us to always be future focussed, to have something we are actively working towards, striving for. The challenge with this mindset is that we’re always living in a constant state of lack, of not having whatever we have concluded we absolutely must have, need, in order to be happy. This is a losing game, the ideals are never actually reached, the benchmarks just keep moving.
What about instead if you switch your thinking to define for yourself what actively BEING successful in what matters for you about your appearance, in the here and now, not some future imagined place. Then it’s against this personal standard of reference points that you align your choices and your actions.
Here’s my personal definition of success for me and my appearance that in turn help to guide my choices:
Now what about you? What’s important to you. Today. Right now, when it comes to your appearance. Not some imagined idealised concept full of comparisons to what society says you should care about. What do you care about? It’s helpful to bring a level of conscious awareness to what goals, standards and ideals you’re holding for yourself and how these leave you feeling. What’s helping and what’s hurting?
This line of thinking occurred to me while reading The Gap and Gain, by Dan Sullivan and Dr. Benjamin Hardy. In the book, the authors apply this concept of how you define success to how entrepreneurs perceive and experience their business and personal lives. It wasn’t much of a stretch for me to immediately connect the dots to my line of work and how I and my clients think about our relationship to appearance and beauty, it’s simply another of the many facets of our complex lives.
Working, as I do, in the business of beauty I’m constantly in conversation around appearances. You simply cannot separate out the mechanics of how makeup (and nails, and hair and skin) work, and what it is we’re aiming for, without the conversation quickly turning to “how you look”. How I look, how you look, how they look, how you used to look, how you’d like to look.
I am in a constant … let’s say sensitivity… to not having an unhealthy level of focus on appearance. Much like those, for example, who work in the health/fitness industry must work to not let “being healthy” become an unhealthy obsession. There’s an extra layer of challenge in the mix because I am fundamentally very interested in how things look and how those appearances in turn impact how we feel and the resulting actions we take, or don’t. This extends far beyond just people’s appearances, this is about the design of a space, the architecture of a building, the ambiance of being out in nature.
There is no point denying that appearances matter, but the important truth here is that it only matters to YOU. What YOU think, how YOU feel, what meaning YOU bring to something. All of how you relate to and the meaning you bring to appearances is 100% internal.
Yes we humans are a group, herd, mammal. And as such we’re wired to pay close attention to what’s happening with others around us and how they are reacting to and treating us. And there’s no denying the impact appearance has on how we are treated. But, here’s the subtle and critically important understanding that benefits you greatly when internalised… how others view you is entirely driven by how you view yourself. And going one layer deeper, choosing to not put any energy into thinking or worrying about what other people think, which is admittedly an ongoing life goal.
And a big part of how you view yourself is driven by what standards / goals / ideals you have consciously or even more likely, unconsciously, absorbed for yourself.
When it comes to your appearance, what are you actually aiming for? What is it that’s important to you? It’s really really really easy to get sucked into using other’s benchmarks for success, external reference points are given priority over tuning into your own internal heart and understanding what is actually important for you. How influenced are you by what you’re seeing being promoted online? By what you see that seemingly perfect real estate agent looking like on their bus bench ads all over the neighbourhood? A perfectly smooth wrinkle free forehead? Lips two times the size of the lips you were actually born with? Hair that is just so. Thick, tumbling, smooth yet voluminous. A wardrobe that’s always perfectly turned out?
It’s very human of us to always be future focussed, to have something we are actively working towards, striving for. The challenge with this mindset is that we’re always living in a constant state of lack, of not having whatever we have concluded we absolutely must have, need, in order to be happy. This is a losing game, the ideals are never actually reached, the benchmarks just keep moving.
What about instead if you switch your thinking to define for yourself what actively BEING successful in what matters for you about your appearance, in the here and now, not some future imagined place. Then it’s against this personal standard of reference points that you align your choices and your actions.
Here’s my personal definition of success for me and my appearance that in turn help to guide my choices:
- I’m having fun with beauty and not tipping into being obsessed about it. I can take it or leave it, it’s a curiosity. Doing things I want to because it brings me pleasure; pretty nails, playful makeup, interesting fashion. All as a form of personal self expression, a personal art form, not doing any of it to intentionally impress others or an attempt to fit in.
- Skin and hair care routines that sometimes feel pampering and are a pleasure to engage with, and other times are just about getting the job done quickly. Both are great and serve a purpose.
- A number one focus and priority on my physical well being, feeling good in my body and taking care of my health over the long run, challenging myself to push my limits physically.
- Embrace range and flexibility. Sometimes I am very dressed up and polished and other times I am very casually dressed and comfort is paramount. I don’t set strict rules for myself when it comes to appearance that I feel bad if I “break”.
- I pay attention to all my senses, the scent of a fragrance, the tactile feel of a fabric or a metal, because appearance isn’t only experienced through the eyes. We are multidimensional creatures.
- I know that the features that are unique to me are amongst my best features and to never try and smooth them out into a sea of bland sameness that can quickly happen with more invasive “beauty procedures”. Here’s a tip to spot your own unique features, think about whatever features you were perhaps teased about as a child, or felt self conscious about (for me it was my pointy nose and my fluffy flyaway curly hair), those are likely some of your best features and should be worn with full pride.
- Holding loving thoughts about changing appearance with age. Of course I don’t look like I did in the past, so don’t cling to that with a death grip. Love what’s in front of you today, in the here and now. Here’s another mind trick that always makes me smile. Whatever age you are right now, let’s say 49… imagine your 75 year old self looking back at your 49 year old self and trust that your 75 year old self will be thinking what a knockout babe your 49 year old self was (is!), so delight in what you’ve got damnit, it’s all relative!
Now what about you? What’s important to you. Today. Right now, when it comes to your appearance. Not some imagined idealised concept full of comparisons to what society says you should care about. What do you care about? It’s helpful to bring a level of conscious awareness to what goals, standards and ideals you’re holding for yourself and how these leave you feeling. What’s helping and what’s hurting?
